Twisted stop sign in a field
Pointing towards the endless cliff
I am footsteps in the night
Eating your deepest dreams
Christ how do people read this shit?
Imagism is obtuse for the sake of being that way
I’m saying change is coming
And it has a fucking price.
Finally! I have the words to distinguish between my kind and the rest of humanity. Homo Superior. It really isn’t that inspired all thing considered. But I didn’t think of it. Sounds like it came out of one of Darwin’s books. I really should have been working harder in Genetics class. I’ve been slacking because why do I need to study my own condition when I know Uncle Banner has it in hand. But we aren’t exactly alike. I’m changing more and more often and staying that way for longer and longer. And I don’t change every time I get off which is nice. Reme might be dead if that was still the case. I’ll get to that later. While Homo Sapein Superior is an accurate description of what we are it has a few major PR problems. Fuck PR! If it were just among the homo spaien’s I wouldn’t worry about it but I can here the rest of my little fucked up family reacting to it and the reaction isn’t positive. Can I really blame them for reacting to Magneto that way though? No. He is overconfident and egotistical, but then again most demagogues are. But he is correct in how the rest of humanity will react to use and that is why I he has my vote. I worry though that he will go too far and start lashing out at those of us who will not join his cause. I am not fighting my own kind.
I wish I could say that I am surprised that Victor went to Magneto with no intention of coming back. i respect Charles but he is not what Victor needs. Shame that him leaving is how we finally got a chance to talk. And just like I’ve been saying we speak the same language.* I think he knew even when he told me that I belonged with the Brotherhood that I wasn’t going to go with them, not right away. But I was honest, the rest of them at the school still need me, even if they don’t realize it. Lidya most of all. Although she would kick my ass for saying that. Staying to the sidelines and watching is a fine art, one I mastered out of necessity more than anything. Lidya never speaks out first but she always ends up leading and I don’t think she likes that one bit. The two times when it really mattered she almost got herself killed trying to lead us. And both times Wallace and I had to save her from herself. Lidya doesn’t want to lead and that is fine, but it is obvious she is looking for someone who can do that for the group. I’m looking after our fucked up little family and the best way to that is to protect Lidya from herself. Which is fucking hilarious. I am monster, and engine of destruction, and I am trying to save people. The universe has a sense of irony after all.
But then again maybe it is the fact that i am a monster is why they need me so much. They are all so normal that they can just be themselves and not have to worry about being picked out of a crowd. I have to try and hide what I am just so that I don’t scare the homo sapiens into attacking me. The look on Arni’s face when I brought back up the troll-blood comment was both priceless and heartbreaking. But I was honest with her. I think that as soon as the homo spaien’s realize we are here they will try and kill us or neuter our power. Just like religion destroyed the warrior cultures of Earth’s past by making being weak a virtue. And part of me loves that fact. I will be able to just cut loose on them because they started it. And the other part of me is just sad. Magneto’s appearance shows that we are not just an isolated event and Dr. Mcoy’s class has shown that we have existed in the past. Homo superior is once again on the rise and soon there will be enough of us to challenge the rest of humanity for control of the planet. If they would just except us for what we are and let us use our gifts to the fullest I would gladly let them live in peace. They won’t though. They will try and kill us or control us like we are weapons. And then the real fight will begin.
I will protect my people. At any cost. I just hope that having Reme at my side will keep me from slipping entirely into the monster that I am. About time he manned up. When we are all feeling down he is there. When they need someone to despise he has a quick joke. When we were all dispersed at the dance he brought us together. Reme is the man I thought he was from the start. And he doesn’t judge me. I am just Aria to him regardless of how I appear. I wish the world had more people like Reme. That would take a lot of horrible shit happening to a lot of young kids and not even I can justify that. And as selfish as it sounds, I think the nicest part of having him stay beside me, is the fact that I don’t have to sleep alone every night. Real human connect on that level is hard to come by for people like me. And when I just want to be alone with my thoughts and feelings he doesn’t make a fuss. He gets it. He know what it is like to be an outcast. God, I love that man. Not that I would ever come out and say that.
Now someone who isn’t so sure of her place right now is dear Sammy. Victor leaving hit her a lot harder than I thought it would. There was a lot more anger behind those punches and kicks than there should have been. But at least now I know she feels she can talk to me about what she is feeling. i just worry that her idealism is going to get her killed. On the one hand she cares about all of us, and on the other it is like we are all just little project to her. Well everyone but Lidya and myself I think. It hit me that night at the dance. The look on her face when I tried to play her little mix tape was priceless. I doubt she realizes it was more than petty cruelty. She wanted Victor to hear the music and despite my bitching most of it was pretty good and you could dance to it. But the look of panic on her face. It is the same look that Dad gets when some reporter is backing him into a corner on some issue and he is looking for a way out. I don’t think she realize how much she is keeping us at arms length while trying to be as enmeshed in our personal lives as possible. I can sympathize with the internal struggle.
Stones and glass houses Aria. i have been putting off talking with Uncle Banner and Dr. McCoy about my condition for long enough.The ease with which my control is growing is really starting to highlight the difference between Uncle Bruce and myself. I think Dr. McCoy may have some unique insight into this because I have a feeling that he wasn’t always blue and fuzzy. I mean I think that would have made a much large news story that it has. And actually now that I think about it, Reme might have something to add to all this. I remember him saying that someone did experiments on him that stops him from always blowing thing up, perhaps whoever helped him could help me understand what makes my changes happen. I mean I know why I change when I’m stressed now. But I still don’t really get how it works.